happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize