omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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