the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The uberlube is also flammable
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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