Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
