Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
