I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
