Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
