moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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