i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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