Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
