Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
