My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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