went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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