i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize