booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
