Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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