If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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