I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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