there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
