I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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