I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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