her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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