I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
