If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
