You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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