Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
