if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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