It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just forgot I was standing up.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
