I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
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Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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