so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
