Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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