is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I forget how to act sober
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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