I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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