i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
