Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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