this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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