You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Send help, water and tortillas.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
