Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
