The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
