Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
