At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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