I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
