I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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