yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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