you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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