as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
