All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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