Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
