So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
