I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
