Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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