I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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