Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
