So drunk its hurt
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My liver just had a heart attack.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You need a sexual gate keeper
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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