You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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