but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
