I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
