put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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