fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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