shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
