well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
