Pappa wants mamma naked
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
