Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
