threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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