I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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