Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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