I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
