so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
