i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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