Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
