Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
