i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
