The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
