I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Are we still banned from the library?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
